Tag Archives: joke
Take a look at the Simpsons movie site. I created my own avatar.
it looks like me :).
Between the ages of 15 – 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.
Between the ages of 20 – 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Between the ages of 30 – 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful!!!!!!!!!
Between the ages of 35 – 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Between the ages of 40 – 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.
Between the ages of 50 – 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Between the ages of 60 – 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.
After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points.Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-10)
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can- eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???